Making Dialogue Sounds Authentic (Without being, like, too real)

This month has been about dialogue. I love writing dialogue. I tend to use dialogue to guide my scenes and I focus on description and exposition in later drafts. However, I know a lot of authors who are the complete opposite. So what’s a writer who doesn’t naturally gravitate to dialogue to do?

Here’s the trick with dialogue: Make it real. But not too real.  

Easy right?

Keep it real, mostly

Writers often go one of two ways when writing dialogue: 1) super realistic 2) super unrealistic. That’s no help, I know. Here’s what I mean - 

1) Super realistic dialogue mimics the natural cadences of our speech. That includes rhythm, pauses, interjections, dialects, and other patterns. But have you listened to us lately? Humans are a mess when we talk. We are unpolished, we stumble over words, we mispronounce, we interrupt others and ourselves. We change directions. We hardly ever say what we mean. 

(On a side note - my husband is a fancy Italian and we will often switch languages in the middle of our conversations, adding a whole other layer of confusion. I’m sure many of you can relate!)

When taking the super realistic approach in writing, we often end up with dialogue that has too much extra–or filler–to keep it efficient and engaging. Though inserting the ums, wells, ya’lls, and you knows may be realistic, it becomes a burden to the reader and it slows down the narrative. 

Example: 

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Well, I was thinking, maybe, about a movie.”

“Okay. Can I come, too?”

“Uh, I guess. If you really want to.”

Better:

“Where are you going?”

“I was thinking about a movie.”

“Can I come?”

“If you really want to.”

Doesn’t the second flow so much better? It’s almost a relief to read after the first example. Cut the excess and it seems more real than it actually is. 

2) The other side is the super unrealistic dialogue. I think this happens because we get so caught up in writing being written right that we aren’t taking into account the authenticity of how it would actually sound. Super unrealistic dialogue suffers from being too grammatically correct, too perfectly structured, or even just too long.  

Example: 

“The light is what gives us power, young one. Since the sun began to rise on our planet a thousand years ago, our race has used the light to guide our magic. We take the warmth and the energy into our beings and then a magical process happens. It gives me the gift of healing. It gives you the gift of destruction,” Rybold said.

Better: (integrating action, dicing up the speech)

“The light is what gives us power, young one,” Rybold said, mixing the tonic, watching  the boy. Clauron worried Rybold to no end. He always had.

“I know,” Clauron replied, annoyed. “For a thousand years,” he waved his hand, repeating the words of the Great Book at rote. “The light has guided our magic.” He narrowed his eyes back at Rybold. “I’ve heard it.”

Rybold gave a small laugh. “Whether you believe in the legend or not, the process has always been magical.” He raised his hand above the tonic and the liquid began to glow with a light so pure blue, it was sure to heal on contact. “To me, it has given the gift of healing. And to you…” 

A different light flickered in Clauron’s eyes as he spoke. “The gift of destruction.”

I leave it to you to determine which has a stronger impact. 

Here are 4 guiding principals to help you structure your dialogue.

1. Natural Speech Isn’t Grammatically Perfect

Real people don’t talk in MLA format.Let your characters drop a word, change direction, or interrupt themselves. Imperfect grammar adds voice, without sliding into unreadable chaos. Just remember that a little goes a long way. If your character is meant to make mistakes, that’s okay, just don’t overdo it. One or two grammatical blips per conversation will maintain their voice without becoming distracting.

2. One Line of Dialogue, One Action

If your characters talk in long blocks with no movement, the scene goes static. Anchor dialogue with small actions: a shrug, a glance, a fidget, a new piece of business. These beats ground the emotion and keep the reader inside the scene.

3. Watch You Filler Word Count (This Includes Swears!)

An um or a sh!t can have a great impact, but only if you use it infrequently. I’m not saying never use these types of phrases. Just pay really close attention when you do. If it’s not critical, it should probably be cut. 

Personally, I love a well-placed swear, but I have read books where the F-word is in just about every paragraph. Words lose their impact if we use them too much.  

4. Use Dialect Cues Sparingly

A touch of dialect can hint at background and rhythm. But too much becomes distracting or stereotypical. Choose one or two markers and rely on word choice, syntax, and attitude for the rest.

In other words, you have to hit that sweet spot between super realistic and super unrealistic. Mess the dialogue up, allow some imperfections, and don’t always have the characters respond with perfect answers. On the flip side, don’t overdo the same things we overdo when we speak. Think of dialect, slang, inconsistencies and all the other stuff like food coloring…just one or two drops is enough. 

The trick is to capture the believability, without being too realistic. 

The Final Word

The purpose of dialogue is to move the story forward, either emotionally or by revealing critical story points. Write dialogue intentionally. If you find yourself just adding words for the sake of adding words, take a moment to decide what actually needs to be said. Play the conversation in your head, read it aloud, or even have someone read it with you. If it sounds like it’s dragging, look for anything that could be cut.